"Maria- I just found a lump named Maria..."

Sing along with me... "and suddenly that name, will never be the same to me." My lump is named Maria. I kind of got bored referring to it as the lump, mass, tumor. So it's Maria. Alan actually named it. Then he broke into song. My husband has so many wonderful qualities too numerous to mention here. Singing- not so much. I have a couple of friends who call, "So, how's Maria today?" She's fine, kinda tired to being poked and prodded. I'm kinda sick of her- hopefully, I'll be evicting her soon.

Some have asked how the hell this all happened. So, some backstory for you. Sometime in November I was getting dressed, taking a shower, something and all of the sudden I noticed it. It's definitely not the size of a pea or anything. I've compared it to about half a BIC lighter. It's not round per se. When I first found it, I totally remember seeing what looked like a bruise. I thought to myself, "Huh? What the hell is that? Hmm.... maybe I knocked the shit out of it or something." (Insert joke here about how I could bruise myself that badly- there of all places.) Anyway, I went along my merry way. Before Christmas, however, the lump hadn't gone away. I made an appointment to se my doctor right away. He said, "Yep, definitely a lump." I told him my bruise theory, and he seemed to think there could be some merit to it. Besides, he said, "You're so young the chance of cancer or anything is next to nothing." Most likely, he told me, it was a cyst or something. I was told to keep an eye on if for a month. Many lumps will change size with your cycle, so it's best to find out if it's hormonally related. Off I went. I worked, I played, I sort of forgot about Maria, to be perfectly honest. Then the beginning of February, I noticed it again. Huh? Still not gone. No bruise or anything, but there was definitely a dimple like thing in the skin. I would later learn that is a sign it can be cancerous and not some normal lump that women get all the time. It sort of freaked me out, so off to the doctor I went again. Not before I talked to my mother and she yelled at me to get it taken care of, like now. Amazing how you can be almost thirty years old (yes- my friends, we alre almost 30- get over it. I've got bigger fish to fry) and your mommy yelling at you brings about the same fear and loathing as if you hadn't cleaned your room this week. I went to my doctor again, who was like, "Wow- that's really a lump." No shit, Sherlock. If that's all you got, call me an M.D. Off I was to an ultrasound and a mammogram. I had those on Valentine's Day. Nothing like celebrating love and romance with a morning of breast violation. That's a story for another day...

Point of this story- don't ignore something funny. Even if we're young. Even if it only affects a teeny tiny group of us this age. Even if you go to a doctor and they find it's nothing. (STEPPING OFF SOAPBOX)