Thursday, June 15, 2006

At least it's not cancer!

I know someone recently who had a health scare. And by health scare, I don't mean they came down with a "social disease" or anything. As in, they thought they might have cancer. The doctors were running lots of tests, there was a lot of waiting for results, yada, yada, it all sucked. Turns out it wasn't cancer. When someone told me she got her results, they actually looked me straight in the eye and said, "God, at least it's not cancer. Anything but cancer." I thought it was funny that they had the balls to say that to me. Then again, I've never been one to turn away a set of balls.

Cancer. The big "C". The "C" word. The "club". Cancer itself is a very scary word. People are afraid of the word alone. Why? Well, shit. It could be because so many people die of it. Most people I know have had a grandparent or someone die from it. Cancer is as bad as it gets. It's up there with like, I don't know- AIDS, Ebola, Bird Flu. Maybe because Cancer has no cure- only a treatment. There is no known cause. It sucks. Finding out you have cancer is probably one of the worst pieces of news there is.

So, armed with this knowledge that I am currently going through one of the scariest things you can go through in life, and that there are few things much worse (although worse forms of cancer are definitely up there) and that I am, for the most part, okay, I find this phrase "At least it's not cancer" uniquely funny. Hell, I've even been known to say, "Shit, it could be worse. You could have like cancer or something." In fact, I still say that now. Only now, it's with a sense of Alanis Morrisette Irony.

I find the phrase "At least it's not cancer" liberating. Kind of like when I got my first C in college. See, I was strictly and A and B kind of girl. But apparently when you don't show up to class, read the book, break up with your boyfriend, have your grandmother die and have tech week for a show, midterms become low on your priority list. So when I got that C in Greek Mythology, I said to myself. Wow- that sucks. The class wasn't even hard. Then again- you know what? I got a C. I'm fine. Still hot. New boyfriend. Great resume. I will not lose a job because of this C. Felt good. Felt liberated. Much like the liberation of getting cancer and hopefully coming out the other end. Well, almost like it. Although they both start with "C"- hmmmmm....

See, when you get this thing that everyone associates with one of the shittiest things that can ever happen to you- especially when you get it so young, you think...yep, I got cancer. And you know what? I'm still here. Still working, still decorating my new house, still playing with my dogs. (kylie, my golden retriever is just now learning how to fetch. We should have gotten her a back yard years ago.) So now, there's tons of crappy things that can happen. But- hey, at least they're not cancer. So if they aren't as bad and I proven I can already do cancer- then I'll probably be okay. Gives you perspective, I suppose.

You notice how my perspective is directly correlated to how I'm currently feeling? For example, see "Tears in the Shower" below. Funny. Not to say it won't be shitty sometimes. And it won't suck. And it's not scary. Because it's all those things. And there are good days and there are horrible days. Hell, it IS cancer, after all.

But if cancer also involves playing fetch with my dogs in my new backyard, watching my husband grill, I wouldn't be anywhere else. Everything else I can deal with.


Jayne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I learned several things today. Fetch is fun. Cancer is not. Dogs should have backyards. Courtney has a good bead on things.

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