Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Could someone help me find my chin?

Seriously, I think I lost it in all the shots of estrogen. Perhaps it's hiding among the 3 or so faux chins that have sprung up to fool me. Lest I forget I'm in the middle of hormone stimulation, my faux chins are there to remind me. Also, if anyone is interested in some cheek implants, I could hook you up with some of my own stuff. The harvest is tomorrow. Thank bloody God. I've got more huevos in here than that farm they took us to when we were in third grade. Here's the deal, the eggs are almost mature, so I got my final shot (Woo Hoo!) last night. The "procedure" takes places Thursday morning at 9am. The Pac Man commences straight away. I will also get some more twilight sleep. Awesome. The closest thing to getting drunk I get. The following picture is an example of what my ultrasounds have looked like:
That is an ovary. Each one of those little black balloons is a follicle. Mature ones are about 1.7-2.0 cms. This is funny, considering my tumor seemed pretty big and it was about 3.5. Mature follicles will have an egg in them. During the Pac-Man, the needle will aspirate the follicle picking up the egg with it. This is where it gets good. And by good, I mean, "makes you feel shitty" kind of good. See, a "good" IVF cycle will produce about 15 or so eggs. Right now, be it because I actually don't have fertility problems or my age, I am actually an over achiever- I have about 25 or so in one ovary and almost 20 in the other. About half of them, at last check, were 1.5 cm or more. If you've been reading along, you will notice that's even more than last count. This is astounding to me. No wonder I've lost my chin.

While this is great on one level- more oeufs (yeah, high school French is valuable) the better, on the other hand I am a very likely candidate for "hyperstimulation". No, that's not what happens to a sixteen year old boy in the back of a car. See, these little follicles are filled with estrogen, some other hormones, fluid, general stuff. And ovaries are not actually attached to something- they float in your abdominal cavity. (For a refresher course, google women's anatomy- wait, you'll probably have to pay $3.99) So, when these little bad boys burst, all that tasty girl juice (okay, that sounded gross) can fill your abdominal cavity. They take most of the liquid when they aspirate and retrieve, but sometimes they can't get everything. Apparently, I could get quite sick. As in hospital sick. Great, I love hospitals. So for now, we're on hyperstimulation watch-meaning I have to keep hydrated, weigh myself- (as if that's what I want to see right now), and watch for any pain. Extreme pain, that is. I've got some monster pain and cramping. This does nothing for my mood.

Why is it, I have to do all of this and my husband just has to , "ahem" help himself. God must be a man.

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